In our fellowship last Saturday, I admitted that I am one person who tends to shut off herself from everything (people, things , world....church). I need to do this in order for me to get back up again. And be able to return to what I do best and what I love the most. In short, I need to be ALONE, meditate and have a good focus on what I am going thru. But in reality, I was just too lazy and too de-motivated in those times of hibernation.
When our Pastor heard my testimony, just like a father who guides her daughter, he told me that every christian is undergoing the same situation as I did. And that I am not alone.
"For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure."
Then, our topic at church last Sunday hit me real hard, Because prior to that day, I was not able to attend the church for 3 weeks. Why? because of my selfishness and self reliant-ness.
When I woke up that morning, I was really debating within myself if whether I would go to church or not. Despite our fellowship, I was still not motivated to go that day. It was like my evil self vs my good self. It was like looking at a mirror, staring at myself only to fight with her.
But as the spirit now lives within me. And as a child of God, I was able to fight (laziness) myself and get up, prepare myself and go to church in less than an hour and a half before the sermons starts.
I was able to attend the church and hear God's word. A decision I am proud of. Not boasting here. But I am happy I was not able to disappoint God that day.
Truly, it is hard for us Christians to live a life worthy of our calling because we have to fight not just this world but also our selves. But as our Pastor preaches, he told us that "our conduct must match our calling. We need to have a balance between those two. We have to put on character just like Jesus have: love, lowliness, patience, gentleness, and long suffering. A wrong perspective will lead us to a wrong behavior."
Are we walking worthy of our calling?
That topic made me assess myself. And I hope you too. It is a good discussion that we can deal within our selves every single day.